


Things you said at 1 am

by Waywardwiz



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:42:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waywardwiz/pseuds/Waywardwiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since I don't think there are anywhere near enough Jeff/Abed stuff out there I have taken it upon myself to cook up some fics :) This is going to be a big bunch of short works. There aren't supposed to be an order to them and they are based on prompts. Enjoy!</p><p>At 1 am Abed tells Jeff that he loves him</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_Things you said at 1 am_ **

“I blgjf yhghg” three words muffled by a pillow, almost inaudible.  
But the night was quiet and Jeff heard, even though his mind was clouded in a thick sleepy fog.  
“what did you say?” he asked, raising his head from where it has been resting on his own pillow, cheek flush against the soft cotton, to get a better look at Abed. The other man was still hiding away so he couldn’t see his face but in the soft light filtering through the curtains from the streetlamps outside he could make out a dark flush on Abed’s neck.

“Nothing” Abed says, a little louder this time, “nevermind, just go back to sleep”  
Jeff glanced at the clock beside the bed and shook his head, “Nah. You know I almost never can go back to sleep if I have been woken after midnight”  
“which is why you sleep in your car during the day. You’re insomniac. It adds a deeper level to your character but I still wish you’d go to a doctor. what time is it?”  
“We’ll talk about the doctor thing. It’s 1 am. Exactly. Huh, that’s kinda neat” Jeff smiled, but Abed didn’t. He had always thought that starting a plotline at fixed numbers or having things line up conveniently seemed too contrived. It had to be at random, like twenty minutes past, or something. Whatever that meant. Abed had gotten so angry when watching that scene in the Hobbit in which Elrond could read ancient text by moonlight because luckily it was that time of the Millennium that he'd thrown his bucket of popcorn at the screen (they'd been thrown out of the theater shortly there after).  
Jeff thought it was adorable that his boyfriend got so bend out of shape about it but for Abed’s sake he had pretended to be livid about that particular narrative choice, too.  But now wasn’t the time for marveling over the cuteness of his boyfriend.

He gently took hold of Abed’s shoulder and turned him around so that he was lying on his side, facing him. Abed was wide awake, dark eyes restless and troubled.  
“Abed, please tell me what’s wrong. I want to fix it. Is it about _The Phantom Menace_ again? We’ll write that letter tomorrow, I promise – “  
Abed shook his head and Jeff, unable to help himself, reached up and ran his hand through his lover’s soft hair, comping the strands lightly between his fingers.  
“It’s not that. But thank you for wanting to help me.”  
“what is it, then?”  
“I said it’s nothing.”  
Letting go off Abed’s hair and grabbing his hand instead, Jeff insisted “It isn’t nothing, sweetheart.”  
He interrupted Abed’s protests, “and I won’t try to sleep unless you repeat what you said”

Abed, realizing that he was fighting a lost battle, hid in his pillow again. Then he sat up on the madras, steadied himself and said in a rush, “I love you”.

Jeff’s brain froze. This was the first time any of them had mentioned the L-word. It had always been unspoken, unlike everything else in their relationship because Abed needed everything in his life tidily defined and understandable. But this... It took some time for Jeff to get the gears in his head working again and by the time they did he realized that Abed that been staring at him for, like, two minutes. He was still holding onto Jeff’s hand, squeezing it a little too hard, the only indicator besides his shifting gaze that told conveyed how anxious he was. Jeff breathed once, twice, a sharp intake of air, and asked, trying to sound calm, “you do?”  
“I just said I did” Abed looked at him quizzically, “why would I say something that wasn’t true?”  
Jeff chuckled and smiled softly, “I know you wouldn’t. sorry, I was just surprised.” He stroked Abed’s cheek very gently, “I love you, too. Of course I love you. I think I have since I met you in season one”  
At Jeff’s declaration of his feelings and his showing that he clearly understood how to speak Abed’s language, Abed finally smiled, “cool. Cool cool cool”

And then they went back to sleep.


	2. Things you said through your teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Jeff/Abed prompt.
> 
> “I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I – “ Jeff interrupts him with a hand raised between them, an abrupt motion that stuns Abed into silence, and says, “you never do”.

**_Things you said through your teeth_ **

”Jeff, don’t be angry”

Abed pleads, voice nervous and hands twisting in front of him aimlessly. He has no idea how to handle this sudden shift in Jeff’s demeanour. It is so unusual for Jeff to be like this towards him. Not that he doesn’t know what Jeff is like when he _is_ mad – hectic and wide-eyed and insensible – but this fury has never, ever been aimed at Abed. Sure, he has been subject to frustration when Jeff doesn’t understand his pop culture references or his zest as a film maker but otherwise Jeff has always been very gentle and tolerant with Abed no matter what he does. But not now. Now Jeff is angry and Abed doesn’t know what to do.

When people are like this he normally retreats into himself and hopes for the storm to go away on its’ own but not with Jeff – never with Jeff.   
“Leave me alone, Abed” Jeff says through gritted teeth, clearly fighting to appear calm, “please”.   
Abed ignores his word and closes the distance between them in three long strides, grabbing hold of his friend’s shirt sleeve, “not until you tell me what I did wrong”   
“it doesn’t matter” Jeff tears his arm free and turns his back to Abed, making for the door at the other end of the library, away from Abed and the study room.   
Abed doesn’t get it. They’d been fine half an hour ago when playing Dungeons and Dragons with Neal. His head is whirling as he analyses all the details of the evening, trying to pinpoint the exact moment something had happened. Jeff is almost out the door and somehow Abed knows that he can’t let that happen without fixing whatever has been broken.   
“I don’t understand why you’re mad!” he says, voice cracking at the last word, “explain it to me , otherwise I won’t get it and I can make it better”

Apparently Jeff is affected by what Abed said, or by something in his voice, because he stops dead in his tracks. Then he slowly turns around. Abed tries to catch his eyes but Jeff deliberately keep them pinned to somewhere around Abed’s chest. Abed feels a pang of something – regret? – in his chest because Jeff isn’t _just_ angry. He is disappointed and that somehow makes all this a thousand times worse. Jeff says, after a slow intake of breath, “I’m mad because you let Pierce play the game with us instead of calling it off.”

Abed opens his mouth but no words come out and Jeff continues, “I’m mad because you couldn’t put your – I don’t know what you call it, integrity as a Game Master? – aside and see that Neal needed not to be dragged through the mud like that. I’m mad because you clearly understand how the things you do affect other people, but you refuse to act on that knowledge. You _hurt_ Neal, Abed” Abed’s about to point out that mostly Neal actually did have a great time and that the game finished off on a high note, but somehow he knows that saying that won’t help at all. Instead he says something else, only realising afterwards that it’s just as bad, “I hurt you”. It sounds matter-of-fact, probably too matter-of-fact and it was the wrong thing to say and now Jeff looks even more guarded and the hurt is making him look tired rather than upset.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I – “ Jeff interrupts him with a hand raised between them, an abrupt motion that stuns Abed into silence, and says, “you never do”. He smiles and it looks sad and Abed feels numb all over and just five minutes ago he was laughing and saying “excelsior” because that had seemed a fitting last remark to end this evening on and now it’s wrong.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Abed” and Jeff leaves and though Abed hasn’t been locked inside a locker for years, this feels exactly like it. He can’t breathe.


	3. Things you said that made me feel like shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to make this after seeing the most recent episode of Community. The fact that Jeff's behavior towards Abed wasn't addressed bothered me a lot so this is my way to process it.
> 
> "He looked at Abed who was staring at him intently, expression blank, “but there’s no excuse for what I did. I’m sorry.”."

**_Things you said that made me feel like shit_ **

They were sitting beside each other at the steeps of Greendale’s front door. From where they were sitting they were able to make out some of the fingers of the giant hand the Dean had brought. Now it had been put on a pedestal, a giant testimony to their failed RV-adventure to get rid of that same anatomical monstrosity. They had become stranded on a mountain highway and things had turned ugly when Craigh had looked them out of Elroy’s “house” and they had thought they would die of Colorado frostbites and overly long exposures to each other.

But they hadn’t and they were back home now and Jeff was looking forward to sleeping in his own bed tonight rather than sharing the tight space on the floor of Elroy’s motorhome with, well, everyone else. When they’d rounded the corner of Greendale’s parking area the next day Jeff had felt the tension draining from his body and now there was only one thing stopping him from feeling like himself again.

He had to apologize to Abed. Which was why he had asked him to leave the study room with him to sit out here.   
Rather than beating around push Jeff jumped straight into the speech he had practiced, “Abed, I’m really sorry for how I treated you in the mountains”   
Abed looked at him, all round-eyed and confused, “what do you mean?”   
“I mean when I said that you couldn’t react to things normally without people abusing you. And then I – “ Jeff paused, images of a shocked Abed with Jeff’s hands forcefully clutching his arms and shaking him, flashing before his eyes.   
He tasted something bad and knew that he deserved it. “then I abused you. And I told you off the entire bus ride and I don’t know why it bothered me so much, why I let it bother me at all. I don’t know what happened to me. I think I’m stressed, or something.” He looked at Abed who was staring at him intently, expression blank, “but there’s no excuse for what I did. I’m sorry.”

Abed’s features softened into a smile and Jeff’s heart felt lighter in his chest, “it’s alright”   
Jeff shook his head, “it’s not, though. You understand that an apology can’t make this good again, right?”   
At this Abed’s smile turned into a quizzical frown and had the circumstances been different, Jeff would have laughed.   
“are you saying that I should be mad at you even though I’m not?”   
“No” Jeff said quickly, “I realize that it sounded like that was what I was saying but I didn’t mean it like that. Except that I did.”   
Had his palms been this sweaty all this time? A nagging voice sounding suspiciously like Britta’s hissed inside his head, _don’t lose your nerve, you stupid man-person_.   
  
“No it’s just that what I did was really bad, Abed. And I would like to make it up to you” he said, putting his hand gently on Abed’s wrist, realizing with a jolt that he hadn’t touched Abed since that night in the RV when he acted like a crazy person, “so I’m gonna say I’m sorry. I’m sorry”   
“Jeff – “ Abed interjected quietly, a laugh in his voice.   
“Please let me finish” his heart was beating up a samba inside his chest, “I know I made you feel like shit. I’m sorry. But I don’t think sorry will cut it, so I want to ask you if you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?”

Jeff then had the pleasure of seeing Abed totally taken by surprise. Abed was silent for an entire ten seconds before his lips widened in a big stupid grin and he said, eyes sparkling, “I’d like that”.   
“Great!” Jeff exclaimed a little too loudly. His ears felt red and his mind was a haze but he hadn’t ruined his friendship with Abed with his horrible behaviour and now it seemed he might still have a shot at something else. Not something more but something he’d wanted for a long time.

He stood up on shaky legs and hoisted Abed up when the other guy reached out his arm for him – still trusting and smiling, and Jeff couldn’t believe he’d been thoughtless enough to almost compromise that trust. He’d make sure that Abed would never again think of him as someone he had to be on guard against.   
“I’m gonna go find Frankie” Abed said, “I promised I’d help her with sending out some mails. I hope it’s not to do with Diane but it probably is.”.   
He grinned at Jeff who stood completely dumfounded, unable to process anything until Abed added, softly, “I forgive you, you know”   
Jeff nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”   
“It’s a date”   
And then Abed was off towards Frankie’s office, a spring in his steps that hadn’t been there before. Jeff smiled to himself and went to find his car.


	4. Things you said with no space between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Abed” he whispers and he sounds nothing like himself but Abed is kissing his neck, gently biting down at sensitive skin and so it doesn't matter how he sounds as long as Abed's with him.

_**Things you said with no space between us** _

He doesn’t know what had happened, how events have progressed to get them in this situation. One minute they had been standing at the door to Jeff’s apartment about to say goodbye after their seventh date (without the study group, mind you), and the next he found himself on his bed, back sliding against the duvet, sweaty and gasping and naked, with Abed hovering over him, something hungry and insatiable in his dark eyes. Abed is smiling softly, a tiny movement that he himself doesn’t seem aware that he is doing, like an afterthought. But Jeff notices and one single thought – holy crap he’s hot – races through his hazy mind, rendering everything but Abed’s constant touches irrelevant. His hands are all over Jeff like he is mapping him out, not an inch of heady skin left untouched. He creates gentle, even patterns and the brief strokes almost make Jeff whine in frustration, wanting – needing –something. He is clutching Abed’s shoulders and tugging at his hair with a desperate fervor and when Abed leans down and steals a short, burning kiss from his parted lips Jeff shivers in response. Such a soft and messy thing he is, how does anyone even know how to take care of him? He always plays it so cool when around people, a snarky, sarcastic person, always terrified that they will find out that he is damaged, fractured and constantly anxious. But Abed knows. Abed sees everything Jeff tried to hide and he understands what he need and how vulnerable he really is, and he doesn’t care that he is broken. And Jeff loves him for it.

Abed leans so close that there is no space between them and caress Jeff’s cheek with one hand while the other carelessly roams his chest. “you’re so beautiful” he says, voice rough and so honest it almost hurts, his hoarse words going straight to Jeff’s groin. He sinks his nails into Abed’s arms and arches his back. He is already feeling so wrecked and Abed hasn’t even touched him ye – all his sanity takes leave when Abed with no preamble what so ever reaches down and feels him, takes him in his hand and makes one experimental tug at his cock. Jeff gasps, a high-pitched and thoroughly embarrassing sound and shuts his eyes, overwhelmed. He feels like hiding away, red-faced and sputtering like a teenage boy about to receive his first handjob. How can Abed retain such an air of profound calmness when Jeff feels like he is about to fall apart at the seams?

But Abed will have none of his shame. “Jeff, look at me. I want to see your eyes”. “Abed” he whispers and he sounds nothing like himself but Abed is kissing his neck, gently biting down at sensitive skin and so it doesn’t matter how he sounds as long as Abed is with him. Abed is so adoring, almost reverent, in his movement, as he takes the man below him in, studies him like a difficult puzzle he is determined to solve. His hand is fondling Jeff’s dick lazily, like they have all the time in the world, but Jeff knows they do not. He can already feel the sensations building inside him, slowly burning him up, and he needs Abed – needs him so, so badly - closer. “Abed, please” he breathes, locking eyes with his friend, “more”.   
  
Abed grins, showing two straight rows of teeth, and looks almost feral where before he had been tender.   
“what do you want?”   
A shiver runs down Jeff’s spine, “Abed...”   
Clasping both of Jeff’s hands in one of his and pinning them quickly, almost harshly, above his head, Abed leans close to whisper in his ear, “what do you want, Jeff?”.   
Jeff moans pitifully as Abed tightens his grip on him, his steady strokes growing faster on Jeff’s weeping erection, powerful rubs that make Jeff throw back his head in absolute ecstasy. He can barely form coherent words between his increasingly erratic moans but he manages, voice tight and quivering like a bowstring, “I don’t know, I don’t... I want you”. He finally locks eyes with Abed properly, meeting his request, and when he sees the intensity, the passion, the what-might-be-love-was-that-love in them it feels like something tethers inside him completely, a calm settling inside him in the midst of the storm of emotions. “Abed, please, Abed”.

Abed then lets go of him and Jeff’s protesting whine seems to spur him on as he slides down the length of Jeff’s body and, without preamble, takes him in his mouth, all the way down to the base. His hands tightens on Jeff’s hips, holding him in a firm, almost bruising grip as he starts moving, lightly scraping against the sensitive skin of his lenght with his teeth. “oh my God, Abed, Abed – “ Jeff grasps at his friend’s hair, not to control his movements, but to make sure he doesn’t go anywhere, even though he knows that Abed wouldn’t abandon him to his own devices. He starts thrusting into the warmth surrounding him, Abed’s name falling from his lips like a litany, “Abed, Abed, fuck, Abed – “, while Abed worships him with his mouth for what seems like hours. He cannot resist looking down and curses in a string of colorful swearwords punctuated by groans as Abed looks up at him, eyes huge and dark and flashing with all sorts of emotions, before the younger man starts humming some tune – which one, whatever, what did it matter? – around Jeff, sending him into a frenzy. One of his hands flexes around the sheets, the other holds onto Abed’s hair firmly, fingers tangling in the black strands. He tugs and teases and feels immense satisfaction that this elicits a single breathy sigh from Abed. He isn’t as unaffected as he seems, and if Abed is turned on by having his fair played with, who is Jeff to deny him?

Abed’s actions grow less precise and more irregular by the minute and Jeff, bucking and writhing on the sweat soaked sheets, is driven dangerously close to the edge. Apparently very engrossed in what he is doing, Abed doesn’t seem to notice what they are careening towards in top speed. “Abed, I’m – “ Jeff breathes in sharply as Abed sucks at the head of his cock with the same satisfaction as one does sucking at a lollypop and no, he does not need that image, that doesn’t help. “I’m going to come” he rasps and whimpers as Abed stops his ministrations at once, topping his work off with a final lick to the glans.

“Not yet, Jeff” Abed’s voice has grown dark, sort of husky, and when, when, has Abed – his awkward, sweet, nerdy Abed – become so assertive, so authoritative and dominant and freaking sexy? He has always thought that Abed is easy on the eyes but his attraction to him had first been awakened by the simple way in which Abed is Abed: his gentleness, his compassion, his confidence and the spark in his eyes. But this Abed ignite something in him, something fierce and messy, something that isn’t at all like the calm, soft flame he has been nursing for Abed since they have started dating a month ago – and then some. For a few seconds he wonders if Abed is playing a character but swiftly sets aside that thought, as he knows him well enough to pick up on when he is himself and when he has adopted another persona.

Abed slides back up his body, hands slipping over Jeff’s legs, his chest, arms, all over, and settles on his shoulders as he leans into and softly, like a breeze in his ear, whispers, “what do you want, Jeff?”. And then Jeff surprises himself. He usually tops with sexual partners, having always craved the control, but the mere thought of being spread out beneath Abed’s slight body, muscular arms holding him down, being filled to satisfaction, almost makes him come on the spot, “I want you – I want you inside of me, please, Abed”. “As you wish” Abed says, and Jeff is almost sure that that is a quote from somewhere – _The Princess Bride_? He thinks they watched _The Princess Bride_ last week, _I am Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die_ – and of course Abed is being meta at a time like this and – Jeff’s eyes rolls almost all the way into the back of his head as suddenly Abed’s fingers are gently, feather light, brushing around and against his entrance. He feels something wet and realizes idly that Abed while Jeff was distracted has coated his fingers in lube, probably procured from the pocket of his jeans, lying in a disorderly pile on the night stand (he has come prepared for this, Jeff grasps in a moment of clarity) and is now probing at his ass with immense concentration. Then slowly, like he has all the time in the world and doesn’t care that Jeff is about to explode with frustration, he pushes one finger past the tight ring of muscles and Jeff freezes, eyes widening. Abed’s fingers are long and slender and the intrusion is still palpable. Though not unenjoyable, he concludes as the digit move inside of him, carefully stroking, searching for the places that make him tick.

“Abed” he says warningly, losing his breath for a moment when a second finger joins the first in its’ happy havoc wrecking.   
“yes?” Abed stops what he is doing at once, though he doesn’t remove his fingers, and Jeff feels sort of lightheaded with the knowledge that as soon as he shows any kind of discomfort, Abed will do his best to take it away.   
Jeff gulps, Adam’s apple bopping, “you know, I’ve never done this before. You know, right?” he mutters.   
Abed picks up on his anxiety at once and his expression softens into a smile, “I know”.   
“But you have?”   
That earns a shrug, “I’ve done some research”.   
Had it been anyone else who admitted that they had their experience from Google, Jeff would have had some doubts as to whether continuing would be a good idea. But Abed never does something with less than one hundred percent determination and he is insanely curious, so Jeff is willing to give it a go. Especially when Abed nonchalantly adds, “And I’ve tried all of it on myself”. The mental picture of Abed pleasuring himself goes straight to Jeff’s cock and he nods before shakily exhaling, “God, Abed”.   
“Should we continue?” Abed is still smiling, that tender, reassuring little thing that Jeff likes so much.   
“Please”.

A third finger penetrates first his external and then the internal sphincter and Jeff wills himself to relax even further. As he feels himself clenching up in pain he grabs the sheets and grit his teeth, not saying a word, but Abed, who is very focused on Jeff, catches on quickly. “should I stop?” he says, very quietly.   
“I... Abed” Jeff says, feeling a rush of affection for the young man. He reaches out and smooths out some of the worry lines that seems permanently edged into Abed’s forehead. “No. keep going” he inhales deeply as the finger pushes in all the way. Abed starts moving again, exercising great caution, and Jeff gasps when the first sparks of pleasure starts drowning out the pain as Abed works him open. To distract Jeff he coaxes him into a kiss, then another and another, while Jeff finally starts to relax and actually become anxious for Abed to set a faster pace. He writhes on Abed’s hand and moans softly, a wordless plea. Then, suddenly, the fingers brush over that sweet spot inside him and it is from sheer will alone that he doesn’t come, opting to groan loudly at the pleasure rushing like wildfire up his spine. Abed rubs over the little bundle of nerves in a way that makes Jeff entirely incoherent and a sluggish smile slips over Abed’s face as he sees what effect his touches are having. Several more times he deliberately finds Jeff’s prostate, reducing his friend to a whimpering, trashing jumble before he just – stops. Jeff almost sobs in desperation, having gotten used to being filled, stretched and having a dark gaze full of soul searing heat roaming his body like a physical caress. He clenches and unclenches, missing Abed’s hands on him and keenly feeling his absence when Abed leans back on his haunches, naked skin glistening with perspiration and hawk eyes scorching – he looks glorious, so amazing – and starts going through Jeff’s drawer. Fishing out a condom he tears open the packing with his teeth – with his teeth, who actually does that? – Somehow without damaging the content inside. Then he swiftly rolls the condom over his cock and leans over Jeff, warmth radiating from him. Jeff feels so open, so ready, so aching for it but somehow he isn’t prepared for Abed’s hands at his hips and Abed lining himself up between his legs, spread so wide it almost hurts, guiding his cock towards Jeff’s puckered hole. Jeff’s entire body tenses in anticipation and his heart is beating up a samba in his chest as he tries to settle down, breathing as slowly as he can but that’s almost impossible when the head of Abed’s cock starts pushing against his rim muscles.

Abed’s movements are slow, leisurely and careful. He is stroking Jeff’s hair, combing through the strands in a way that seems like he is petting him. Jeff’s mouth falls open as Abed in a single carefully controlled thrust embeds himself inside the man beneath him. For one long minute it hurts, despite all the preparation, and the sensation of being stretched so wide by something a lot larger than Abed’s fingers is simply overwhelming. Abed holds him with a titanium grip, seemingly struggling with the urge to move when he would rather give Jeff time to adjust to the girth of him.   
“Are you okay?”   
“yes, but Abed, talk to me, please” because Jeff isn’t sure he can handle this without Abed’s voice to secure him. Abed nods and complies with Jeff’s request as he unhurriedly begins to move, breath soft and labored, pushing forward in rolling, shallow motions. As he talks, eyes captivating, holding Jeff like a steel-trap, he quickens the pace until both of them are panting. “Jeff, Jeff, you’re doing fine, you’re so beautiful, Jeff”.  
Although Jeff know that every word out of Abed’s mouth is said in earnest, he can’t help the furious blush that creeps up his neck and cheeks, “Abed, how can you just – ah – how can you just say things like that?”.   
Abed moves into him a bit more forceful than before and Jeff cries out in exhilaration. “how could I not?” he says as he rocks steadily against Jeff, bringing him closer to the edge but it’s still going slow, way too slow, Jeff wants, Jeff needs.... “you’re perfect”.

And then, Abed picks up on his silent wish – Jeff’s still not entirely sure that Abed isn’t a mind-reader of some sort – and speeds up, ramming into Jeff erratically, unrefined, frenzied and Jeff starts rambling, words that make no sense falling from his lips, until he has to stop for breath. Abed drops quick butterfly kisses all over his face as he whispers sweet nonsense, telling Jeff he’s wonderful and beautiful and everything, his black hair matted with sweat and Jeff sees the devotion in his lover’s eyes and it occurs to him that he might just be the luckiest bastard on earth if he can hold onto this man. He might not, he might fuck it up in the most Jeff way possible, but goddamn he’s at least going to try, because he and Abed has a good thing going here and he’s going to fight for that.

Suddenly Abed’s relentless almost-rhythm starts to falter and his breath becomes just as irregular as Jeff’s is and after a few powerful thrusts Jeff’s orgasm hits him, crashing over him like a wave, and he lets loose a strangled yell that Abed echoes slightly lower before he comes, spasms of pleasure hurtling through him. Above him Abed reaches his own climax with a choked out, “Jeff”. Both their bodies shudder with the aftershocks and soon Abed can’t keep himself raised above Jeff any longer – he plops down besides Jeff on the madras, staring up at the ceiling. Jeff is so blissed out that he doesn’t register anything, too content with just basking in the afterglow forever, but then he is called back to reality by his duvet being tugged over him and Abed’s insistent words in his ears; “you’re quiet” he says, “is that a good quiet or a bad quiet?”   
Jeff laughs lightly, sort of relieved to have the Abed back he knows, the one who isn’t quite as suave as the one he just had sex with – though that one was quite a turn on as well.   
“It’s a good quiet” he snuggles closer to Abed and the other indulgently puts his arm around him, pulling him into a warm, comfortable embrace, “that was...” he’s at a loss for words, “that was good”.   
Abed nods and places a sweet little kiss on Jeff’s damp forehead. “It was”.

They lie in companionable silence for some time, enjoying each other, before Jeff silently whispers, “Abed, what is this thing we have?”   
Abed’s forehead scrunches up as he ponders on his reply. He entwines their fingers.   
“I want this – “ he gestured to their tangled up bodies, “to mean something”.   
He looks at Jeff with such adoration in his eyes that it almost aches, “what do you want?”   
Jeff draws in a deep breath. Time to either make it or break it. he’s gonna make it. “I want us to be together. I want you...”.   
He squeezes Abed’s hand and breathes in his scent, all spicy and home and Abed, “I want you to be my boyfriend. What do you say?”   
is there any way to not make that sound like an eight year old confessing their feelings to their first crush? When Abed doesn’t answer immediately, Jeff starts to panic a little bit, “I’m not sure if it’s too soon, I mean, we’ve been on a lot of dates and known each other for what, four years, but I don’t want to rush you so I understand if – “   
Abed shuts him up with a kiss and the puzzle pieces fall into place. He is met with a wide smile, perhaps the largest one he has ever seen Abed make.   
“As you wish” he says, lips slipping across Jeff’s cheek, peppering it with kisses, and Jeff sighs and he has so much happiness inside he can hardly contain it. A few minutes pass by with bit of small talk (“when do you have classes tomorrow”, “should we invite Troy and Annie to that thing we talked about, the concert?”) while Jeff tries to wrap his head around being someone’s boyfriend. It’s a little strange but he likes Abed and so it feels right.   
Then Abed says, eyes soft, “wanna watch _Return of the Jedi_?”   
“yeah”

And they watch _Return of the Jedi_ and it’s good.


	5. Things you said too quietly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shouldn’t be shocked. It’s not like they were ever really together.

“Abed, what are you saying?”  
Is that his voice? It sounds strange. High pitched and thin, like a string on a bow pulled tight. Abed’s, on the other hand, is too quiet. Like the words are hard to form and takes all the volume from his voice, like what he wants to say has to be forced out, “we have to stop doing this, Jeff”. It’s very clear that he tries to keep this conversation light, reasonable, calm, but he fails. Most people wouldn’t notice how visibly shaken Abed is but for Jeff, who knows him so, so well,  the signs are clear; the shaking hands, the shifting gaze, the teeth worrying a bottom lip. Like he would rather be anywhere else than in the empty study room with Jeff. Their friends have left to enjoy a free period and Abed had asked for Jeff to hang back with him (“we have to talk” – that’s a cliché if he’d ever heard any, Jeff thinks), only to drop this bombshell on him.

He shouldn’t be shocked. It’s not like they were ever really together. They’ve been hooking up on campus for a few months, secret trysts that have been both exciting and eye-opening. Jeff has always considered Abed one of his best friends – maybe even the best – but before this began they had never really _talked_. After that first kiss, one that came out of nowhere on a sunny day (Abed had just showed him his Han Solo bit and Jeff had thought it was so ridiculously hot that he had initiated the kiss, Abed fast to reciprocate), they had started indulging in deeper discussion. Their friendship developed, became more profound and Jeff had discovered that Abed was the only he could really truly relax around. He hadn’t had to pretend to be anyone he wasn’t. Abed called to the light-hearted silliness and introspection and reflection in him and Jeff had thought that Abed felt just as good with this as he did. Plus the sex, when that happened, had been mindblowing (Abed, usually so composed and still, is very vocal during intercourse and that fact had quickly been added to Jeff’s internal “World’s hottest things” list). So what if they had never had the talk. This had been good, why would Abed ruin it, why is Abed going to ruin it with words and reality? Why is it hurting like this?

Jeff swallows “what do you mean, this?”  
“Exactly” Abed says and his face contorts, a pained expression, like it is Jeff and not Abed who has pulled him aside to shake their shared foundation, “this. What are we doing?”. His hands curl into tight fists against the denim of his jeans, his knuckles turning white.   
“I...” Jeff struggles to come up with a proper response. His brain feels fogged over, his thoughts sluggish and clogged, “I don’t know, Abed. Why are you asking me this, what’s wrong?”  
The color drains from Abed’s cheeks and a myriad of expressions rushes over his facial features in rapid succession; anger, disappointment and hurt. Jeff would never do anything to hurt Abed but somehow he seems to have done so anyway and that affects him intensely. It feels like his legs have been kicked out from under him, like he’s falling and he’s clawing for some resemblance of control that’s nowhere to be found.  
When Abed answers his voice is dangerously silent and his eyes, his soft gentle eyes, are steely and impenetrable, “what do you want, Jeff?”  
“what?” Jeff curses himself for being so slow to catch up. He’s usually so good at reading Abed but right now his entire world feels crocked. But he knows that he has clearly made a mistake in taking a step towards Abed, extending his right hand towards him, because Abed recoils, like being touched by Jeff would scorch his skin. Jeff stops dead.   
“Abed, I don’t understand. I thought we were doing so well? Please help me understand” he begs and Jeff never begs but he does now when he needs Abed to stay.   
Thankfully Abed takes pity on him and explains, “I mean, what do you want from this, from us? What if...” he takes a deep breath, “what happens when you get bored? When you don’t want to be with me anymore?”  
A memory flashes through Jeff’s mind, a picture of Abed clutching at Jeff’s shoulders with frantic hands. He is naked and beautiful and whimpering and all Jeff’s. Then another image pops into his mind, one of him and Abed sitting on the grass across from each other, immersed in an intense discussion about something or other – he can’t remember, they have a lot of interesting conversations and he’s a bit preoccupied right now – and it is fun and Abed is smiling in the tender rays of spring sunshine and Jeff remembers thinking that he looked lovely. He will never not want to be with Abed because Abed is perfect for him.

“I won’t get tired of you, Abed” he stammers, “I just didn’t think you wanted to, I don’t know, define us. I wanted to be considerate and...”  
He knows at once that this was the wrong thing to say because Abed’s eyes are flint.  
“I think you just didn’t want to be bothered” Abed says, and he is not exactly hitting the nail on the head – because Jeff wants to be with Abed – but he is not wrong either. Jeff had thought that what they had had was good and didn’t need to take it any further into official relationship territory. Because, Jeff admits now, he is a coward. He didn’t dare try anything with Abed because he didn’t want to risk it. The sex is good, the conversations too, but he had never stopped to think about whether it was enough for Abed. Jeff doesn’t flirt with or look at anyone else and up until now he had been sure that as long as he didn’t go home with anyone he and Abed were basically exclusive.

Suddenly it occurs to him, like lightning striking down in him, fierce and agonizing, leaving him as raw and bruised as Abed looks, that he has been an inconsiderate jerk. Abed doesn’t need things to be unsaid. He needs palpable, honest and real. The world is going on around them, spinning quickly, but inside the study room the silence between the two of them extends into unbearable lengths. Then Abed starts packing his books into his messenger bag with slow, measured movements.  
“Abed” Jeff’s voice is hoarse, “what are you doing?”  
Abed looks up at him and his face is schooled into perfect neutrality but his eyes are rimmed with red, “I’m going home. As I said, I don’t want to keep doing this. I analyze other people’s behavior and I can predict with almost absolute certainty that if we continue this I’ll get hurt” his voice breaks at the last word, “and I don’t want that”.   
He slips the last of his mechanical pencils into a side pocket and hoists the strap onto his shoulder. “We’ll still be friends” he says as a comfort but it just sounds hollow, “just not the other thing”.

“Stay, please, we can talk about this, I want to talk about this, I’m so sorry. I want what you want”  
“Do you even know what that is?”  
Jeff hesitates and that seems to be answer enough for Abed. He continues: “I think the fact that we haven’t already talked about this is quite telling. It’s not only on you” Abed says and he smiles (it doesn’t reach his eyes) and Jeff already misses him so much it aches, “I’ll see you tomorrow”.   
And he turns around and strides out of the room briskly, leaving Jeff behind to gather up the pieces.

And it hurts.


	6. Things you said over the phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff says, “I’m fine, never better.” (lie).

As soon as the phone rings Jeff springs from the couch like a jack-in-the-box. He shrugs of the stiffness that has gathered in his shoulders, a side-effect of having sat down in the same tense position for a long time, and picks up his phone.   
“It’s me” he says, joy swelling in his chest even before he hears the familiar voice. Jeff doesn’t have to check the caller-id to know it’s Abed calling. He knows his boyfriend by the sound of his breath and the subtle way his feet strike the ground.  
“Jeff” Abed says and he always sounds so tender when he says Jeff’s name, “I’m sorry, the meeting ran late”.  
“That’s alright” Jeff insists quickly, so relieved and happy to be talking to Abed again that the wait doesn’t matter at all, “how’s Los Angeles?”  
 He can almost hear Abed shrug, “it’s good. Nothing’s major”. Then Abed inquires, interest shifting, “how are you? Did we get an answer from J.J. Abrams yet?”  
Jeff chuckles softly and shakes his head, even though Abed can’t see it, “nah, I’m sorry. I know you want to compliment him on the parallel between _The Force Awakens_ and _A New Hope_ but I think he might be busy with episode eight. I’m sure he’ll get back to you, though”.  
“Okay” there’s a smile in Abed’s voice, a little one, that earnest one that he reserves for Jeff, “you didn’t answer the first question, though”.

Jeff says, “I’m fine, never better.” (lie). He swiftly changes the topic away from himself (without Abed with him his life makes for quite a depressing tale), “Britta and Frankie are doing fine, they’re celebrating their half-year anniversary next week. Oh, and I talked to Annie yesterday, she’s doing good. Shirley too, her dad’s getting better, so she says she’s coming back to Greendale soon if everything goes according to plan. And Troy might be visiting soon. Has he called you yet?”. Jeff had spoken to Troy a couple days ago and it had been nice to talk to him for the first time in a while. Troy had sounded happy and healthy. And it’s nice that he’s coming home but if Jeff could choose for anyone to be back with him, it wouldn’t be Troy. He clutches the phone a bit tighter as a wave of emotions rush over him, mashing the device against his ear and latching onto Abed’s voice like a lifeline as the young man expresses his excitement at getting Troy back. God, Jeff misses Abed. he wants him to come home. But he doesn’t say so. He wants Abed to enjoy himself and to not be burdened by Jeff’s selfishness. Then, to his surprise as Abed has never been big with the verbal gestures of love, his boyfriend says, “I miss you”.  
Jeff inhales deeply, drawing gulping breaths past his tight throat, “I miss you too”. His voice sounds so tiny with all the longing in it, “I miss you so much, babe”. And then he says it, even though he promised himself that he wouldn’t, because he loves Abed so, so much and it makes no sense that they aren’t together, that Abed is working in Los Angeles when he could be here, “I wish you were here”.  
“Jeff – “ Abed begins gently and his voice is raw with the same yearning as Jeff’s.  
Jeff adds quickly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t want you to feel obligated to anything, I just, it’s hard and I love you and...” the words slip away from him, like sand running through his fingers and he feels hollow into the center of his bones.   
When Abed talks again, his voice is whisper, “I love you, too. You know that”.  
“I do”. Jeff has never doubted that.   
“And that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about” Abed says, a bit louder, seemingly gaining strength from the content of the news he is about to deliver. Jeff feels a shiver of something running up his spine – hope? – as he waits for Abed to continue, his hand so tight on the phone that he worries absentmindedly that it will break.

“Tell me”  
“I’m coming home, Jeff. I handed in my resignation at work yesterday”  
Jeff can hardly believe it and when he does his heart grows heavy with guilt, “Abed, no. you love producing that show. I’m so sorry if it sounded like I was forcing you to come back – “  
Abed interrupts him, soft laughter in his voice and new calm settles over Jeff at the perfect serenity Abed represents when Jeff is at his most stressed or anxious; “true, I love it. But I love you more. Simple as that. And there are producing jobs closer to Greendale County. There are studios in Colorado too”.  
Jeff’s stone-heavy heart suddenly soars in his chest and he struggles with the words, lightheaded as he is, “So... you’re really coming home?” He stumbles backwards and slumps down on the couch, his legs spaghetti-weak and unable to hold him. This is a dream. How else can this suddenly be true? How could he wake up this morning, tired and hurting and alone, to be told ten hours later that he will get the only thing he really wants?  
“I’m not renewing my contract after this season. So as soon as the last episode has been released. That’ll be...” he stops to count, but Jeff, who watches the show religiously (because Abed helped make it), interjects, “fourth of June.”  
“Then I guess I’ll be home in six weeks” Abed says pleasantly, sounding like he doesn’t have a single care in the world, a state of mind which Jeff doesn’t exactly share, feeling as he is like his head is about to burst with questions. “But Abed, how... don’t you..” he decides on the most pressing matter, “where will you live? We won’t be able to find you in apartment in such a short time”.

This time there’s no questioning Abed’s smile on the other end, “I’ll live with you if you’d like”.  
Jeff’s face might just be splitting open like a pumpkin with his own wide grin, “I’d like, Abed. I’d like very much”.  
“Good, then it’s settled.”  
And Abed’s voice is so at matter-of-fact that Jeff is put at ease immediately. He pinches his arm with his free hand. A sharp pain erupts from the abused skin and serves to convince Jeff that he isn’t dreaming. This is real. Abed is coming home.  
“yeah” he laughs, breathlessly, “It’s settled”  
“you should go to bed” Abed says, his usual frankness back, “you have that big fieldtrip with your class tomorrow, right?”  
“yes. We’re going to visit Greendale city court. I’m actually looking forward to it” he replies, smiling. He has long since started to enjoy teaching now that he has decided to be as good a teacher as he can be. Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand he realizes how tired he is all of a sudden. It has been a long day ending with big – the biggest, really – news and he feels exhaustion creeping in. But for once it’s a good exhaustion, a blissful tiredness.   
The sluggish smile stays on his lips when he mutters, “goodnight. Talk to you tomorrow?”  
“Of course. Sleep tight, Sweetheart”.   
He can definitely get used to Abed using endearments like this one – it brings a happy flush into Jeff’s cheeks.  
“You too”.

Jeff hangs up. He puts his phone on the coffee table, stands up, stretches and pops his back in a long, languid movement. Then he goes to bed and for the first time in months he sleeps all the way through the night. And when morning comes he wakes with a smile. Abed’s coming home.


	7. Things you said under the stars and in the grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then a need for something to happen takes a hold of him and though he enjoys the relaxed atmosphere he speaks up, words rushing out quickly before he loses his nerve, “Abed, can I kiss you?”  
> Abed meets his gaze and his eyes are so gentle that it almost takes Jeff’s breath away, “yes”.

“That’s Orion” Abed says. Jeff tilts his head to the side to better look at his friend. Blades of grass tickle his cheek and leave a small smear of moisture on his skin. It has been raining all day, a fine persistent drizzle that stopped just a few hours ago. But now the clouds are gone and the night sky is startlingly beautiful. The air he breathes is fresh and cool, and Jeff supposes he should feel cold but he doesn’t. Nervous anticipation is thrumming through him, reverberating white hot in his veins, warming him to a point where he feels almost feverish. He studies Abed’s features, assured that the other man is too occupied by the starry sky to notice him doing so. Abed’s face is all sharp angles and strong lines. A pronounced nose (a bit hawkish, Jeff kinda digs that), distinct, pointed cheekbones and a sturdy jaw. Dusky, contemplative eyes, a shock of dark hair that looks so, so soft, thin lips that easily form caring smiles. His face is so expressive, a harmony of nuances and emotions and not at all the passive thing that other people – people who don’t know and don’t care, though they should, they don’t know what they’re missing out on – seem to associate Abed with. But to Jeff Abed is the only person for whom he can wear his heart on his sleeve because Jeff knows that Abed would never do anything to hurt him. Jeff has told Abed things he never dreamt of talking to anyone about, laid himself bare, open to be scarred and bruised, but Abed has only ever been careful with him, a wonder of small touches and constant reassurance.

And so there’s nowhere he would rather be than here with Abed. They’re lying on the campus quad. This has been their third date and it was actually kind of cliché but still nice. They went to see Deadpool and afterwards Jeff had offered to walk Abed home. They had been discussing the movie so excitedly that they barely noticed when they passed the apartment and when they did they were so close to Greendale that they decided that it wouldn’t hurt to sit down in the damp grass for a little while.  
The campus is unusually quiet but then again, it is pretty late, the time nearing 11:20 and most of the students inhabiting the dorms probably have early classes to be well-rested for. In truth, so does Jeff and Abed, but Jeff wouldn’t dream of ruining this nice moment with reason and logic and other such outlandish notions. Instead he keeps taking Abed in until he realizes that it’s probably weird that he hasn’t reacted to his friend’s observation yet.  
“It is?”  
“Yeah” Abed murmurs and Jeff has to lean in closer to hear him, so close that he can feel the heat radiating from Abed’s skin.  
“the one that looks sort of like an hourglass?”  
Abed turns his head to look at Jeff, amusement making his smile crooked, and their faces are very close all of a sudden, “that, too. But I think the people back then would rather have named it after a famous hero than a board game piece”.  
Jeff laughs quietly, enjoying the peace that always seems to exist between them. They slip into silence for a while. Not an uncomfortable one that leaves Jeff itching for conversation, but a content and tranquil quiet that’s simply there. He only hears the sound of Abed breathing, a slow, steady rhythm that anchors Jeff in a way nothing has ever done before.  The unhurried serenity of it all makes him feel present and wide awake, yet blissfully calm. Then a need for something to happen takes a hold of him and though he enjoys the relaxed atmosphere he speaks up, words rushing out quickly before he loses his nerve, “Abed, can I kiss you?”  
Abed meets his gaze and his eyes are so gentle that it almost takes Jeff’s breath away, “yes”  
“Alright” Jeff’s heart is somewhere in his throat, “then I’m gonna do that. Now”. Yet he doesn’t because suddenly his headspace is filled with all the ways he could possibly ruin it. He wants their first kiss to be perfect and what if it isn’t, what if he uses too much tongue or not enough or -  
Abed’s easy laugh frees him from his panicked state abruptly, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before”.  
Jeff’s cheeks are heating up and he doesn’t know what to say. He just lies there on his back, thoughts churning unconstructively. He’s blank with indecision.  
“I just...” he starts, searching for the right words, “I just want it to be good, you know. You deserve for it to be good”.

Then, all of a sudden, Abed leans in above him, and he grins at Jeff, playfulness lighting up his face and somehow making his eyes appear even brighter. “what about you?” he asks.  
“What about me?”  
“What do you deserve?”  
“I – “ whatever Jeff was going to say becomes an unintelligible mumble as Abed pushes forward and smoothly presses their mouths together, effectively drowning out any doubts Jeff might have had as to the quality of the kiss. Jeff’s lips are chapped and their noses keep bumping together but still it is the best kiss Jeff has ever experienced because it’s with Abed who he might be falling in love with – okay, who he’s undeniably falling in love with. Abed smells of grass and summer rain and he’s cupping Jeff’s cheeks in his hands and Jeff’s arms slip around Abed and he’s holding on to him as tight as he can to make sure nothing can sever their connection. Abed’s tongue laps at the inside of his mouth deliberately and Jeff carefully pushes back with his own, eager to taste Abed and get as much as he possibly can. Dizziness and exhilaration makes his head spin when Abed moans softly, a direct result of Jeff weaving his fingers into his hair. Abed’s hair is just like he had imagined it would be; silky and the color of midnight and Jeff is so helplessly lost. That doesn’t matter though, because he loves being lost in Abed.

After what feels like hours Abed pulls back a bit, studying Jeff like he’s an interesting riddle. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are puffy and red and slightly parted. His breath comes out in slightly labored huffs. He strokes Jeff’s chin with a thumb, making small circles with the pad of his finger, and places a final, sweet kiss on Jeff’s forehead.  
Jeff closes his eyes, hoping it will help him settle down a bit. It does, a little, and when he opens them again he sees Abed looking at him like he’s just as wonderful as Orion.  
“That was...” Jeff says, and Abed nods in agreement.  
“It was” Abed agrees. He is looking a bit dazed and it’s such an endearing expression on him that Jeff cannot be faulted for simply having to close the distance between them and kissing Abed again. This time their kiss is much slower, unhurried, and less hesitant. Jeff’s eyelids drop closed for a few seconds and he enjoys the sensations washing over him, and when he opens them again Abed is looking straight at him, eyes dark with want and Jeff’s mind short circuits for a moment there. There’s a subtle change as the kiss slowly shifts into something hot and messy and there are teeth clashing and lip biting and this time it’s Abed’s  fingers hooking into Jeff’s hair and when he pulls sharply Jeff makes a soft hissing sound deep in his throat. Jeff feels like his entire body is on fire and every movement of the lithe man on top of him sends shivers down his spine. He let’s go of Abed’s shoulder to clutch at his hips instead, his thumbs lightly stroking bare skin when his friend’s shirt slips a bit further up on his stomach. He wants to feel more of Abed, like, right away, and he carefully pushes the fabric away so he can touch _more_ because Abed moans quietly, almost like a tremor on his breath and he _needs_. All the things he is feeling are so intense that he swears he can almost hear the blood rushing through his veins like quicksilver and Abed’s mouth is so, so warm and soft and he never wants this to end.

But it does, eventually. Jeff’s head is starting to feel all woozy and his lungs are screaming for air and so he forces himself to turn his head to the side so that Abed’s lips land on his cheek rather than his mouth. The night air is soothing against his burning face and the way Abed’s heart beats a wild staccato rhythm makes Jeff’s own flutter with exhilaration. Abed inhales sharply a few times before his breathing, like Jeff’s, return to normal. Jeff tilts his head so that they are face to face again. He starts to become aware of the weight of Abed on him and it’s not that Abed is heavy or anything – he’s slender, almost willowy – but even so the close contact is starting to affect a certain part of Jeff’s anatomy to a degree he doesn’t want to have Abed know – not yet, anyway.  
“Abed” he says, his voice sounding pained, “Abed, you have to move”.  
Abed frowns in confusion, tilting his head like in a distinctly owlish manner, but then he picks up on Jeff’s unspoken warning and rolls off of him and back into the grass. Jeff sighs in relief.

The silence resumes but this time it’s different, somehow charged. Jeff feels warm all over and he barely notices when it starts to rain, too consumed as he is by Abed. Without breaking eye contact he takes Abed’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers, and holding it tightly between their almost-touching thighs.  
“It’s raining” Abed says quietly. His voice is soft and happy, and Jeff is sure the sweetness of the moment is making his heart swell four sizes.  
“So it is” Jeff answers, smiling. The trickle turns into a steady downpour and his light jacket and shirt is quickly soaked through. It’s cold, but, like before, he barely notices, because Abed lightly squeezes his hand and Jeff is exactly where he’s meant to be.

Just as he has decided that he is content to lie there next to his friend forever he feels Abed starts to shiver. He wouldn’t have noticed if they hadn’t been so close to each other but they are and he doesn’t want Abed to catch a cold. So he reluctantly stops his current activity which consists of counting the raindrops caught in Abed’s long – _long_ – eyelashes, and hauls himself up into a sitting position, pulling Abed with him. Abed’s clothes are sticking to his body wetly and Jeff sees faint outlines of muscles. He has seen Abed almost-naked before (See: that one time where Annie lost her pen) but somehow this feels more intimate. they’re so close to each other that every huff of air from one of their mouths reaches the other’s face and Abed’s eyes are endlessly deep. Jeff wouldn’t mind falling into those depths on a regular basis and he sort of wants to tell Abed that but instead opts to be practical rather than cheesy.  
“Let’s get you home” he says, “I’ll walk you there”. He stands on slightly shaky legs and, not wanting to let go of Abed’s hand, hauls him up next to him after Abed has nodded his consent.  
Abed leans in for another kiss – Jeff smiles against his lips because he knows it won’t be the last one, far from it – and soon they are making their way home in the rain.


	8. Things You Didn't Say at All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s barely a kiss. At least not one Abed is used to participating in. There are lips involved, sure, but that’s where the resemblance stops".

_**Things You Didn’t Say at All** _

Jeff has had a long day. Abed sees it from the moment his boyfriend walks into their shared apartment. He sees it in the tight set of his mouth, in the bags beneath his eyes, purplish like bruises, in the way his shoulders slump like they’re carrying the weight of the world, in his feet dragging across the carpet. It only takes a few seconds for him to discern Jeff’s mood because Abed knows him so very well. He knows how to look for the signs of exhaustion and is always quick to lay out a strategy. Today is no exception. Abed rises to his feet, moving from the couch and in front of Jeff. A flicker of acknowledgement lights up Jeff’s eyes for a moment but then he slips back into that unfocused lull as he looks at nothing in particular. Abed smiles gently, smoothly hoisting Jeff’s bag off his shoulders and placing it on the floor, before he takes Jeff’s left hand in his own. With his long, deft fingers he pries Jeff’s own ones apart, urging him to loosen the fist his hand has been bunched into. Abed moves on to Jeff’s other hand, doing to same, and then he runs his palms up muscular arms, wide shoulders, a slender neck. One hand comes to rest there while the other cups Jeff’s cheek. Jeff leans into the touch, seeking out the warmth of Abed’s skin.  
“Rough day?” Abed inquires, voice quiet.

Jeff nods and that’s when Abed looks down and notices that Jeff’s legs are shaking. With a soft tug Abed leads Jeff and guides him to sit down on a comfy blue cushion. Abed drops down next to him, mutters “come here” and gently pulls the other man closer, nestling him in the crock of Abed’s arm as he wraps it around Jeff’s shoulders. Jeff is pliant against him, soft, trusting Abed to best know what he needs. And Abed does, he always does. Squeezing Jeff’s shoulder through the black fabric of his jacket, he starts talking. Not about anything in specific but small tidbits of information, jokes, anecdotes, light words that carry no special meaning and have no particular purpose other than comforting Jeff and assuring him that Abed’s there. He talks about his own day, about what Troy and he have been up to in the Dreamatorium back in his and Troy’s old apartment – it now belongs to Troy and Annie - (“and then the Inspector is saved from the Blorgons by Constable Reggie and I know we’ve done that one to bits but I like sticking to the classics, you know, and nothing says classic like Blorgons, they’re the show’s oldest foe after all – “), about the adventures he wants for their next semester (some fast-paced escapades, please) and about what he’s made for dinner.

“We didn’t have any more lasagna noodles so I used mashed potatoes with the meat inste – “. He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Jeff cuts him off with a forceful kiss, banging their heads together a bit. But Abed barely registers the sharp pain in his skull, preoccupied as he is with keeping up with Jeff’s frantic movements. It’s barely a kiss. At least not one Abed is used to participating in. There are lips involved, sure, but that’s where the resemblance stops. This is a mess of teeth knocking together, of biting lips until the skin is red and sore, of noses bumping together none too gently, of rushed, almost panicky, touches. Jeff pulls Abed’s shirt off over his head and Abed just barely manages to wrestle Jeff’s outerwear off of him before he is pushed down roughly onto the couch, the force of said shove knocking the air out of Abed’s lungs momentarily, leaving him unable to move, let alone talk. He can only watch, eyes blinking rapidly like he is trying to shake off a persistent dream, as Jeff leans down and bars him in with his arms and legs, hunkering over Abed with an expression that is part lust, part frustration/anger/something else.

Jeff studies him with hooded blue eyes in a way that makes Abed itch all over with desire but which also makes him feels like he is the pray to Jeff’s predator. That feeling only intensifies when Jeff reaches down and bites his boyfriend’s neck, not hard enough to break the skin there but certainly enough to leave bruises, and it sends a rush of pleasure-pain through Abed. He is intensely aware of the tenting in his pants, the roar of blood that makes him dizzy, the shallowness of his breath. Abed’s body is nearly catching fire with a want that has been awakened at seeing this side of Jeff, this vicious, angry, quiet thing, but his brain, albeit clouded with arousal, is a rattle of loud bells and flashing red lights and though he loves when Jeff takes charge and it becomes a bit wild, a bit filthy, a bit dangerous, this is too much, seeing as what he doesn’t love is the prospect of being used as some sort of physical outlet for Jeff. And so, although the alternating biting and licking on his throat feels so, so good, Abed settles his hands against Jeff’s shoulder and pushes, creating some distance between them. “Jeff” he says, voice hitching before he manages to control it, “I don’t think we should be doing this”. His tone shifts into a softer lilt as he sits back up against the armrest, carefully making Jeff lean back so he is sitting on his own side of the couch. “Not right now”. He takes Jeff’s hands again, stroking sharp knuckles with his thumbs, and he only speaks when Jeff’s breathing has settled down a bit, “talk to me?”

There is no reply at first. Instead Jeff slumps forward, his forehead connecting with Abed’s shoulder with a dull thud. Abed feels it when he shakes his head and when a pair of solid arms wraps around his torso, enveloping him in a tight embrace. His mouth softens into a smile because now the storm has stilled. His own arms find their place around Jeff’s neck and when his nose is nestled in its’ crock he breathes in deeply, savoring the warmth and comfort that is so distinctly his partner. They sit like that for a little while, tangled up in each other, and Abed knows that Jeff is feeling better. He knows because his breathing isn’t shallow any longer but calm and measured, because most of the tension has slipped from his shoulders, because his hands on Abed’s back are open in surrender.   
And when Jeff sits back his eyes are still like the sea, a bright blue that makes Abed feel light-headed with tenderness.

“I’m sorry, Abed”  
“You don’t have to be”  
“No, I do. I’m so sorry” Jeff says, shakily. He straightens his back, steeling himself, “one of my students passed out during class today”.  
Abed’s frown is so deep that it makes Jeff smile, albeit weakly, “anyone I know? Is he okay?”  
“It was Ski Cap. And yes, he’s fine. I took him to the hospital, that’s where I’m coming from ...” he pauses, seemingly having a hard time finding the right words, “They... They told me that he’d had an epileptic seizure and that he had a history with those. I called his parents and they said that he would be fine, but... But he just passed out in the middle of giving a presentation on tort law and I didn’t know what to do, it looked so painful, I thought – “  
Abed’s heart swells with compassion and he hugs Jeff again, hoping to convey with touch what he can’t quite with words, because sometimes words are such hollow things and emotions such big ones, “I know”.  
“I thought he was dying, I didn’t know what to do and I know that he’ll be fine but I’ve never felt more useless in my life” Jeff continues and to Abed’s astonishment his boyfriend suddenly starts to cry in great, heaving sobs. And Abed does the only thing he can do. He whispers Jeff’s name in between soft kisses, wipes away the tears and brushes his thumb over the subtle peaks of Jeff’s spine, the other man shivering at the touches to his naked skin. After a little while the muttered assurances stop and Abed’s strokes on Jeff’s back become slower until they do as well. When Jeff finally stops crying and raises his head to look properly into Abed’s eyes, there is a small smile playing on his lips. A tiny precious thing that brightens a bit when Abed whisks away the tears on Jeff’s cheeks with strategically placed butterfly kisses.

“Thank you” Jeff says, his voice quiet, unguarded and sincere in its’ gratefulness.  
“You’re welcome” Abed says, squeezing Jeff’s hand one last time before standing, “Now let’s have some dinner”   
So yeah, Jeff says a lot of things without saying anything at all, and Abed always knows.


	9. Things You Said While We Were Driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " “Abed” Jeff says, sounding so well rested from his good long nap that his words come out almost as a purr, as he pokes his head between the front seats. Abed dares a quick look to his right and laughs with quiet delight when he sees the state of Jeff – hair ruffled from sleeping, eyes a little dazed and one cheek redder than the other from being pressed against the window"

**Things you said while we were driving**

“We there yet, Radar?” 

Jeff’s sleep addled voice disturbs the silence, the soft dazedness of it causing Abed to smile as he takes a turn onto the freeway. He plays along without a hitch, “not quite, Hawk”. When he speeds up he does it as gently as he possibly can to ease Jeff into wakefulness and says, “close, though. Two more hours to go”.   
Jeff – Hawkeye – sits up, and Abed hears him stretching with a groan and popping his back. Having lied down in the cramped backseat for – he makes the calculation in his head – four hours and twenty minutes - has probably done a number on Jeff’s poor spine. He had needed his sleep, though, having not had a minute of shuteye in two weeks. It wasn’t stress or anything like that, Jeff had assured Abed. He just suffered from insomnia, sometimes for extended periods of time. This was been one of those times and, so, when Abed had suggested going on a trip, Jeff had been sceptic. What difference would it make whether he didn’t sleep in Greendale or didn’t sleep in some hotel bed, he asked Abed when they had started packing the car. But Abed had been persistent and deaf to all Jeff’s objecting. He had simply smiled, opened the door to the passenger seat (Jeff had complained that he couldn’t sit in the front with Abed, but to no avail) and kept his laugh to himself when Jeff fell asleep propped up against the window as soon as they got onto the road. He had suspected the monotone movement of driving would lull Jeff to sleep and it had worked like a tranquilizer dart. Jeff had been unconscious up until this moment. Abed hadn’t needed to look over his shoulder to know this as Jeff had been snoring like a sawmill.

“Abed” Jeff says, sounding so well rested from his good long nap that his words come out almost as a purr, as he pokes his head between the front seats. Abed dares a quick look to his right and laughs with quiet delight when he sees the state of Jeff – hair ruffled from sleeping, eyes a little dazed and one cheek redder than the other from being pressed against the window.   
“Sleep well?”  
Jeff nods and takes Abed’s right hand carefully from the steering well to hold it in his own, “yeah. Thank you for convincing me to go, I feel much better”  
The skin around Abed’s eyes and the corners of his lips crinkled slightly when he smiles at Jeff’s admission, “good. You look much better, too”  
Jeff laughs at this, a clear, fresh sounds, and says, faking offense, “as opposed to when I don’t good? Is it my hair?”  
The good humor is contagious and Abed finds himself chuckling as well, using one arm to bat at Jeff’s shoulder admonishingly, “no, you goof, your hair is pointy in just the right way”  
“That’s what I wanted to hear” Jeff says huffily, bright-eyed with easy happiness and lips shaped into a wide smile, “so, where are we going, exactly?”  
“It’s a surprise” Abed reaches downward, entwining his fingers with Jeff’s briefly when the other man readily extends his hand to him. They sit in silence for a few long moments, a comfortable and sunny quiet that is only interrupted by the soft sound of singing coming from the radio. Abed’s chest feels light with pleasure at being here with his boyfriend, on this small adventure, which isn’t anything fancy or expensive but it is theirs. Finally he takes back his hand but he smile doesn’t leave his face for a second, even if his face is starting to hurt a little bit from all the joy it has to express.

Jeff yawns hugely – he is a lot louder than Abed in the things he does, and Abed adores it, especially at it compliments his own unassuming ways so perfectly – and strokes Abed’s cheek gently with the back of his hand, before he slumps back into his seat.   
“I think I’m going to sleep some more, if you don’t mind?” he says, and Abed shakes his head, “no, that’s fine. I’ll wake you when we get there”  
“Thanks, Radar”  
“You’re welcome, Hawk”  
Soon the car is filled with the sound of snoring and Abed looks out the window, at the blue sky and the colors of nature passing by swiftly around them and everything feels so right that his body can hardly contain his happiness. He eases up on the speeder a bit, suddenly not wanting this ride, this feeling, to end just yet. They have time, time for sleep and smiles and goofy references and he is going to make all that he can of this vacation, his and Jeff’s. They have time, after all.


	10. Things You Said When You Were Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you leaving?"  
> “it’s like I told you, I got a job and – “  
> “I know that, I know” Jeff says and shakes off his explanation away with a stiff shake of his head, “but why didn’t you tell me? I thought I… You and I… I know we aren’t together, officially. But I thought I meant more, you know”.  
> His quiet weariness, tinted with hint of despair, hits Abed like a blow to the stomach, and the painful guilt only intensifies its’ tight grip on his throat when Jeff starts crying"
> 
> This chapter is super sad. I promise then next one will be less angsty.

**Things You Said When You Were Crying**

”Abed” Jeff says, his voice so eerily quiet that Abed’s eyes snap to him immediately, worry making his chest feel tight. He doesn’t like to see Jeff like this. He has a wounded expression on his face and his eyes are downcast, like looking anywhere but at his feet would be too much to handle. Jeff isn’t like this. Jeff is snarky and confident and brilliant. He is a force of nature and one of the things that keeps Abed steady and safe in a world that sometimes feels terribly unbalanced. He is not used to a Jeff who looks like he would rather curl in on himself and disappear rather than face the source of his pain.  
Abed leans back in his chair, his attention singularly on Jeff. The two of them are sitting in a quiet corner in their bar, Jeff nursing a scotch. Annie, Frankie and Britta left ten minutes or so ago, and Abed and Jeff have been sitting in silence since, each deep in their respective thoughts. But now Jeff wants to talk.

He nods, “yes?”  
“Why are you leaving?”  
Having predicted this question Abed has had plenty of time to prepare an answer. An answer that is on point and sensible, an answer of ice-cold rationality, the kind of defence Abed throws up like walls around himself when things get a little too real. But when he looks into Jeff’s eyes, those terribly _hurt_ eyes, his words slip away from him, become tangled and messy and jumbled, and when he tries to force them out anyhow his voice sounds strangled and hoarse; “it’s like I told you, I got a job and – “  
“I know that, I know” Jeff says and shakes off his explanation away with a stiff shake of his head, “but why didn’t you _tell_ me? I thought I… You and I… I know we aren’t together, officially. But I thought I meant more, you know”.  
His quiet weariness, tinted with hint of despair, hits Abed like a blow to the stomach, and the painful guilt only intensifies its’ tight grip on his throat when Jeff starts crying. The older man tries to hide the soon to be steady trickle of tears behind his hands but Abed sees the unnatural brightness in his eyes and hears small, watery sobs slip from his lips.

Abed has always felt deeply uncomfortable around crying people. He seldom truly comprehends the reason for the other person’s sadness, not really, and he is back at faking sympathy. He suspects that they can sense that his heart isn’t in it. It is now, though, and he knows because he cares about Jeff so, so much. He harbours so deep a fondness for Jeff and it overwhelms him and sometimes terrifies him.  It should be easier than this, and he knows that it would be, if love didn’t make it harder. Love that is tugging at his insides, his soul, his very core, in such a confusing way.   
“You do” he says and leans forward in his chair, reaching out to Jeff across the small table. Jeff shies away, like the very thought of being touched by Abed burns him, and scrubs angrily at his face with the back of his hand. Abed freezes and then sits back in his chair, and he thinks that oh, this is awful, this cold rejection, and he is sure that he deserves it but God, it hurts.   
His voice shakes, “of course you do. I’m sorry, I should have told you before but I didn’t know how”.   
Jeff hiccups softly and curses violently under his breath. He hisses, “it’s easy, really, I’ve got it: hey, Jeff, I’ve gotten a job three states over, just thought you should now”. He tries to put up an angry front but he is so clearly devastated.

“I’m sorry” Abed insists, grasping at straws as he feels his own vision grow blurry around the edges, “it was just hard, I didn’t, I couldn’t… Please, Jeff”  
Jeff stands on unsteady legs, his grip on the chair so tight that his knuckles turn white. He raises his scotch to his mouth. Abed almost feels like he has grown tunnel vision, his gaze zooming in on first the golden liquor sloshing around wildly in Jeff’s glass, then the pinkness of Jeff’s lips as they turn into a taut line, an ugly gash crossing his usually soft, relaxed features. Then he notices the wobbly way in which Jeff moves, the little stumble in his step, and his forehead creases with worry, “you’ve had a lot to drink. Can I take you home?”  
“No” Jeff barks, loud enough to make several heads turn in their direction. Abed jumps from his chair hastily when Jeff makes for his door, staggering lightly as he makes his way in and out between the tables. He ignores well-meant questions from some of the customers and rushes outside with Abed in close pursuit.

Then they’re outside and Abed clasps Jeff’s arm tightly before his friend can make a run for his car. Jeff whirls around and shakes himself loose from Abed’s hold violently.  
“Abed, stop. I’m going home” he says, gaze flickering between Abed and his pocket as he fumbles for his keys, “please – leave me alone. I’ll see you tomorrow, or something, okay?”  
The tears are streaming down his face freely now. He has given up on hiding them and they leave wet trails on his skin. They are glistening in the dull light of the parking lot’s lamps. Abed’s hands itch with longing to dry them away with his fingertips and lips, but when he nears Jeff the other man pulls back once again.  
Abed stops dead in his track and says, feeding soothing logic into his words, “I won’t come closer if you don’t want me to. But please let me take you home. You shouldn’t be driving right now”.  
“How can you tell me what to do? It was you who fucked up, Abed, you did, why did you…”   
His words drift off into nothing and Abed notices that the heat has left his gaze. Jeff looks up at him, wide-eyed and sad. Then he nods, completely disheartened, and Abed takes that as a confirmation that he is allowed to take him home.

He walks in a wide arch around Jeff, staying at a distance. His car is parked at the far edge of the lot, so it takes a minute to get there. The silence is heavy between them and he hears everything in the icy quiet. Jeff’s shuffling gait, his breath hitching around sobs and his shoes scraping against pavement. When they reach the car Abed makes sure to open Jeff’s door for him first before joining him inside. Once he is in his seat he closes his eyes briefly and takes a deep, steadying breath as he tries to centre himself. He turns his head to look at Jeff, but his friend is staring out the window stonily and he doesn’t speak.  
Abed bites his upper lip, disappointment settling in his stomach, sets the car in gear, and backs out of the parking space. They drive home in silence.

Jeff has sobered up considerable during their short trip, and he has stopped crying for the time being. He is dragging his feet up the stairs and Abed so wants to put a supporting hand on his back but he doesn’t. and then they are standing at Jeff’s front door. Jeff is looking everywhere but at him and Abed searches frantically for the right words. He doesn’t know if he has succeeded but he tries anyway, “can I… can I come in? I think we should talk about this. Don’t you?”  
Then Jeff looks at him, pale eyes drilling into Abed’s. Abed wants to take him in his arms and kiss him. He wants to fix this so badly but he won’t because Jeff wouldn’t like it.   
His heart breaks a tiny little bit when Jeff shakes his head and mutters, “yeah. But not right now, Abed. I think you should leave”.  
”Jeff, please, I’m so sorry”  
“Abed” Jeff silences his plea with a hand raised between them, “just... Go.”  
Abed hangs his head and says, “alright”  
He can feel Jeff’s eyes on his neck like an itch as he ascends the stairs and then exhales in a harsh, shuddering breath when he hears the door close shut behind him. He is suddenly so tired. It’s time go home.


	11. Things You Said When I Was Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The honesty and adoration on Jeff face as he asks, “Abed? Are you okay?” could easily send Abed spinning into orbit if there wasn’t a roof above his head. A Greendale Community College roof.  
> “I’m fine, I’m – “his voice is high-pitched and odd and he thinks that his eyes must be wide as saucers, “You’re proposing to me in the study room”. 
> 
> Aaaand let's do a 360 degree turn and go from angst to sappy/goofy/I love these too when they're smiling.

**Things You Said When I Was Crying**

Abed is stunned in a detached sort of way at the wetness that makes the skin on his palm glisten as he slowly lowers it from his face. He sniffs and smells salty tears. It’s a sharp, tangy scent that disturbs his nostrils and makes him want to cover his nose. He doesn’t. It isn’t often that he cries and when he does it always leaves him a bit dazed. He pulls in a heaving sob, and makes a sound that conveys a strange mixture of disbelief and lightheaded elation. He looks down at the other man, Jeff, his lover, his _best friend_ , who is kneeling in front of him with a concerned frown etched into his forehead and a small box clutched between his right hand’s fingers. It occurs to Abed that he has never cried for joy and it doesn’t feel good exactly, but God, is it so, so real and so right. The honesty and adoration on Jeff face as he asks, “Abed? Are you okay?” could easily send Abed spinning into orbit if there wasn’t a roof above his head. A Greendale Community College roof.  
“I’m fine, I’m – “his voice is high-pitched and odd and he thinks that his eyes must be wide as saucers, “You’re proposing to me in the study room”.

Jeff groans, “It was Shirley’s idea”.  
“Don’t drag me into this, Jeffrey” comes Shirley’s voice from across the room. They are all still sitting around the table, chemistry books cranked open in front of them, and Abed had just been to the restroom and when he got back all eyes had been on them – they still are – and Jeff had taken his hand and - “no no, it’s not bad!”  
The words rush out from between his lips and the happiness soars in his chest and twists his mouth into a wide smile as he insists, “please continue”

Jeff looks down for a few seconds, staring at his shoes, and Abed can almost hear his own heart racing and the rush of blood in his ears – there are butterflies in his stomach, he clutches Jeff’s fingers tighter, _this is love_ , is he still crying? Oh, yes, he is – when Jeff makes a soft noise, like a sigh, and says, “Abed. I love you. I love you so much, God, baby, you couldn’t possibly imagine how much. And I want...”  
A smile lights up Jeff’s face and when he opens the box to reveal a simple gold band resting on a pillow of black velvet, the last puzzle pieces click into place and Abed has never felt this soft and warm in his life.  
Jeff says, “I want to hear you make references for the rest of my life. And I want to eat buttered noodles and Special Drink with you, and then some day get type 2 diabetes together. I want to be with you every day, possibly for the rest of my life, if that’s alright with you. So..  Marry me. Please?”

Shocked into silence Abed nods, first faintly and then almost vigorously. He somehow manages a choked, “yes, yes, Jeff, of course I will” and then he makes a ridiculously happy sound and throws himself into Jeff’s arm. Jeff tightens his embrace around him, and all the clapping and cheering of their friends fade into the background when Jeff whispers into his ear, breath teasing sensitive skin, “love you, Batman”

Abed giggle-snorts and kisses Jeff on the shell of his ear, “love you, Jeff Nipple Play Winger”. He makes a small yelp when Jeff pinches him in the side, the other man flushing at Abed’s use of his nickname.  
“Hey, here, gimme your hand” he murmurs, as he lets his arms slip from around Abed’s shoulders and leans back. He carefully extracts the ring from the box and gently slides it onto Abed’s finger.  
“It suits you” he says with an air of finality, and Abed couldn’t agree more. He kisses Jeff’s lips softly, briefly, and then stands, hauling Jeff up with him by his hand. Looking down at their intertwined fingers he takes in the sight of the ring, its’ smooth surface catching the light, and his smile feels to wide for his face, but also wonderful.

They sit down next to each other at the table. Abed barely hears the congratulatory words of the study group and lets Jeff dole out ‘thanks’ and ‘it was Shirley’s idea, I liked it’ and ‘no we probably won’t be having it in the study room. Unless that’s what Abed wants’. And he squeezes Abed’s hand, making the younger man look up at him, and asks, “Abed?”  
“Yeah?”  
Jeff’s features soften and he kisses Abed again – Jeff has the best kisses, Abed muses – and then says, “are you alright?”  
And he dries Abed’s tears away with gentle brushes of his thumbs and Abed thinks that it is a rather silly question, because of course he is alright, he couldn’t possibly be more alright.  
“I’m perfect” he whispers, for Jeff’s ears only, “I love you”  
Jeff smiles and says between kisses, “I know”.


End file.
